Umthwalo

Umthwalo wami uya ndi sinda… “My burden is heavy”

The next line of this song translates loosely “I'm asking your help to carry it” – this is about where my comprehension of the Xhoso language ends. Before Christmas I heard this song on a South African radio station. I couldn’t find it on iTunes – I hope it finds its way there soon. The artist’s name is Zahara Mkutukane. The song struck me so over the Christmas holiday. I was thinking tonight, as a walked past the pink valentine hearts in Stop & Shop, how long ago Christmas seems – how quickly all the decking the halls and singing of carols become packed away in boxes in the corners of our memory. This song will forever remind me of the passing of 2011 into 2012 and all the sights, sounds, events – big and small of this point in my history. I don’t know if it’s because I am a musician, but I find that I tend to dive into a song or a piece of music. Certain songs seem to embed themselves into my soul. This is one of them.

It made me think of our burdens. We all have such worldly burdens that we carry day to day Some are blessed burdens and so while they are at times heavy, they also give me joy and fulfillment. Some might argue that “burden” is not the best term. But I think it’s how you look at it. My heart is truly often burdened by my concern, love, hope worry and sometimes fear that comes with raising my children. I work day to day to provide for them as do all loving parents. We carry the burden of fulfilling their physical, emotional, educational and spiritual needs. My professional work, while fulfilling, is often heavy with a burden full of planning, preparing, doing, emailing, this, that, and oh yeah, I need to remember to take care of that…so much to carry.

I began to think of what burdens my heart – what is it that we each carry around in our heart? I contemplated how all that has shaken our planet in this past year served to show so clearly the need for us to share in each other’s struggle. Whatever we find ourselves each facing – whatever burden, seemingly great or small - whether they be brought on by natural disaster, physical poverty, spiritual poverty, violence in our nations or unrest within the very deepest inner recesses of our souls – we are each facing them. I and you share this very personal baggage that we carry around with us, and yet how often we neither share our own burdens with others, nor do we seek to help lift the burdens of those closest to us. Moreover, we neglect to seek ways to ease the very heavy burdens that seem to weigh on people throughout our world. Umthwalo wami uya ndi sinda…

On the Sunday, one week following New Years day,I walked into the church I hadn’t stepped foot in in over a year. I was late and our senior Pastor was already before the congregation giving the sermon as I came in. It took the strength of the Lord to bring myself to church after being away so long. I honestly can say He compelled my soul there that day. As I quietly entered and sat myself down His words washed over me as delivered by the Pastor’s lips. She was speaking of the woman who anointed the feet of Jesus with her very tears. How much more can one lay ones burdens at the feet of her Lord than this. When her actions were questioned by onlookers, Jesus rebuked them and praised her actions as a blessed offering onto Him. How God so desires that we open up, become vulnerable and share our burdens openly with Him and with others. He says, don't worry about what others might think or say of you. This has been a revelation for me these past weeks. I have suddenly found myself in the presence of some of the amazing friends and family that God has placed in my life sharing so openly hopes, fears - small burdens lifted, their load shared a little while with each other. The feeling of strength given in this sharing is overwhelming, profound, powerful. God has been so good to give me people in my life with whom I can share my struggles both great and small! And even greater he reminds me:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

looking back...and looking forward

I come to begin this new year by sharing the small burdens of my heart…

It has been little hobby for me to edit videos using windows movie maker – a fulfilling way to capture and reflect on life’s moments. As 2011 came to a close I thought of making a video. At first planned on using my own pictures which mostly consist of my family and nature, but as I became more drawn into the idea of this project, I considered that what lies outside my window and what takes place in the world daily is far more vast and profound than my pictures of relatives and various plants, flowers and bugs around my yard. So as I tend to do, I dove in head first to the project, collecting pictures from the web, thinking about songs that might work well, imagining the layout. I had the advantage of being off of work this whole past week so it seemed a great adventure for my vacation time!

I had started my “Spielburgian” adventure quite well – I found myself profoundly struck and awed in reflecting on all that has taken place in our world over the course of the past 12 months – but I became a bit stuck midweek bringing it together. I sat in bed one night driving my poor husband crazy as I played endless songs on my computer trying to find just the right one. He is accustomed to my creative drive taking over all sense of time and schedule. It wasn’t until New Years Eve that I kicked my movie production back into high gear! – and boy I mean high gear. It was as if my physical body was burdened with the need to complete this project. I did the needed chores around the house during the day and then planted myself at the dining room table in the late afternoon. And there I stayed….clipping, filing, importing, editing, captioning. I considered several times wrapping things up and retiring. Midnight came and went but the only thing that got more wrapped up was me, in this project. Before I knew it, it was dawn and the early birds in our house were waking. Each time I thought of stopping, some piece of this past years recent history would captivate me as I considered the faces and places and experiences that we all share. I began to see that what I thought were heavy burdens for me this past year were nothing as compared to what others around the world suffer daily.

I worked all through New Year’s day today, determined to finish this project. My family was truly thinking by this point, that I had gone a bit nuts. We all shared a delicious dinner together and I was just left to wrap things up. I eagerly returned to my laptop, opened my project file, and found that my work had completely disappeared!! My husband tried to be encouraging and said “you can do it again”, to which I emphatically responded “no, I can’t!”

Praise God that there was a way to restore a previous version of my project and after tweaking my computer settings I was able to do so. The unfortunate thing is that all of the work I had done since last night had not been saved on the previous version. Still all of my files remained imported so all my work was not lost.

Lessons learned: God gives us small burdens in our heart. He does it to all of us. He pricks our heart and says “do this” “reach out in this way” “take a risk”. We are wise to listen to Him, but when we turn those small burdens into major endeavors of super-human strength it is simply our pride getting in the way of His plan. And when we don’t do things according to His plan, our efforts amount to very little.

So it is with this small burden upon my heart I begin this blog. I have long wanted to start one and well, if not now, then when?

So here is part 1 of my reflection of 2011. It is my hope that it will touch your heart in some way as it has touched mine.

Stay tuned in for part 2!